For 3 long years we have fought to get J help. Ran down every resource we could, tried everything they said, placed him on an IEP plan, adjusted his medications, tried new medications, 2 inpatient stays, a caseworker visiting 3 times a week, filing an unruly petition with the courts, and a therapist once a week, J was finally admitted to residential care. It almost seems anticlimactic.
The astonishing thing is I do not feel any relief. Not yet anyway. I left him in a place hoping he will get the treatment and help he needs while at the same time learn new behaviors from the kids who are already there. I sincerely hope he ignores the latter. They asked me what I hope he receives while he is there. More than anything I hope he gets help, that they can better diagnose him, find better treatments for him, etc. I wanted them to observe him, really observe him on and off medications. I asked for a medication wash. I was told they would be changing his medication, especially the Thorazine he was on. The nurse stated they do not get kids in there on that medication. I said go ahead that the 200mg he was taking was not doing him any good anyway and had no affect on him. I just simply want them to help him.
J will be there a minimum of 3-4 months. The longest he has ever been away from home. He was there not even 5 hours before the facility called to tell me they had to physically restrain him because he was attacking the staff and attempting to elope. I told the staff member that is one of the reasons why he is there. On one hand, I feel some relief. This means no fighting, screaming, and verbal assaults or attacks for 3-4 months. No walking on egg shells or picking my battles for 3-4 months. No more getting daily reports from the school about him biting, hitting, kicking, destroying property, cussing at teachers, fighting with other students, and elopements. In other words 3-4 months of peace.
Peace. I am hoping that when he returns home, there will be more peace. However, as I sit here, I cannot help but think that he could come home in even worse shape. I worry that he will grow more resentful of us because we took him to this place. I relayed these concerns to his caseworker and she acknowledged that they were valid but we were at the point with J that there was no other choice. His caseworker, therapist, school staff, and his doctor who handles his medication all agreed residential care was the last option we could try. I just hope that after 3-4 months he will be better and not worse.
Maybe his stay at this facility will help J realize how good he has it at home. Maybe it will help him understand that he has to put in the work to get better. Maybe it will help him become accountable for his actions and stop lying. Maybe it will help him to use his words instead of his fists. Maybe it will help him to recognize and respect people in authority. Maybe it will help him not to respond offensively to people. Maybe it will help him build self esteem and realize that it is okay not to have all the answers. Maybe just maybe.
After 3 long years we finally got J placed somewhere he could potentially receive help. We finally get to have some respite from his behaviors and his disrespect. Maybe J will come out of this a better person. Maybe we will learn how to respond to J better. Here’s hoping anyway.
