So much has happened since I last wrote anything. I know it has been quite some time and although I had good intentions, sometimes life gets in the way. Over the past year a lot has gone on with J; not to mention within my family. It has been a hard year all around. J certainly has not made things any easier. I constantly have to remind myself that it has been difficult for him but what he does not realize is that he did not help things either.
Over the past year we have received multiple phone calls, text messages, and emails regarding J. We have had multiple medication adjustments this past year. He has been hospitalized, suspended from school, transferred from one school to another because of his behaviors, and made multiple threats toward others. Mobile Crisis has been called multiple times. In the course of all of this, I have been trying to get him the help he needs and it simply has not been enough.
The biggest challenge has been determining J's triggers. There is no one trigger that will set him off. It could be anything. He can go from 0 to 90 at the drop of a hat. Just when we think we have nailed down a trigger, something else happens that blows it out of the water. When we think it is a particular time of day, he flips that on its ear as well. We have tried working with the school to determine his triggers but to no avail. It makes it very challenging to develop a plan to avoid or lessen the triggers when we simply do not have a handle on what they are.
J was hospitalized late this summer because he choked a teacher at school and threatened to burn the school down. We were unsure what set his behavior off that day and why he would attack a teacher. When asked about his actions, he did not realize the ramifications of his actions. In his mind the teacher was fine despite trying to choke her. When asking him what happened, he would not tell us what made him upset. All we knew was he had made a lost of all the schools he wanted to burn down and the people he wanted to hurt. We had no choice but to find an inpatient behavioral hospital to take him. We found one but he was only there for 2 weeks. It did him no good. His behavior went unchanged.
J was suspended a few weeks ago for the very same action. He attempted to choke a teacher again. This time his behavior escalated due to another kid getting a larger yoga mat than him. The following week his behavior was related to not getting the colored marker he wanted. Triggers. Triggers?
The one thing I can say that all his escalated behaviors and moods have in common is when something interferes with what he wants. This could be anything. If it interferes with watching TV, he throws a fit. If another child received something he wanted, he goes off. If he has to wait in line for lunch, his behaviors escalate. If a teacher does not call on him or calls on him, he can get upset. When he feels others are talking bad about him, he goes off. When the school bus is too early or too late he gets upset. He had an altercation on the bus because a girl was singing a song he didn't like. He fights and argues with us because we have told him repeatedly to pick up his toys or clean his rooms. Triggers.
There is no one trigger we can avoid with J, except for writing. It is the only trigger we know for certain that sets him off. He struggles with writing and whenever he is asked to write, he does go off. Other than that, we have been unable to determine any other triggers. Since he goes from 0 to 90 in no time flat, it is difficult to intervene before he goes off. J has been sent to the "refocus" room at school so many times that the teachers and assistance can't keep up with what set him off. However, we are all in agreement that whatever it was, it interferes with what he wants. In essence, a trigger can be anything he perceives to be a threat in the moment.
How does one handle a child like this? Honestly, I have no suggestions. His behaviors this year have made it difficult to focus on my job. I have had to quit my job in the hopes to find a job with better hours and flexibility because of J. My husband and I are at our wits end with him. His case manager and provider keep telling us to hang on. That is easier said than done - they don't live with him or receive the constant phone calls. I have tried everything I could think of to help J; to recognize triggers to avoid. The teachers and aides at the school constantly ask me what to look for but I am at a lost as to what to tell them. I am tapped out. Triggers?
In the midst of all of this I continue to seek help for him, for us. I continue to look for triggers in the hope that we can find some answers and better treatment for him. I continue to speak to anyone I can to get him the help he needs. I just hope that one day someone will actually listen and help identify triggers.
