You Are Your Child's Advocate!

Advocacy is defined as: public support for or recommendation of a particular cause or policy. Being an advocate is hard. No matter what your belief or cause is, advocacy is never easy but it is warranted.

Advocacy comes in many shapes, sizes, and forms. It is not always a public issue or requires a group of people to champion. As a parent you are an advocate for your child. Only a select few see your advocacy efforts. It is not on public display for the world to see and comment on. It is for your child. How much you want to advocate for your child depends entirely on you.

There was no one there to really advocate for J when he was born. I have been told the hospital tried to step in but J was still allowed to go home with his biological parents who were homeless and had a significant history of drug and alcohol abuse. It is the primary goal of DHS to try and keep families together. Honestly, I get it. Whenever possible, families should remain together and help given to those willing to take and apply it. However, there has to be a line in the sand. Otherwise, who is really being protected? J was not taken into DHS custody until after the damage was already done.

So, how does one pick up the pieces of a broken vessel and put it back together? The vessel will never be completely whole again. It will not be smooth or seamless. It will have cracks, holes, visible and not so visible issues, misshapen and so on. You can put the pieces back together using glue or another type of adhesive but the damage is still present, still known. You can try filling the vessel up to hide or distract from the cracks but they are still there. They will always be there. A person is then left with two choices: do one's best to work with the broken vessel's pieces or ignore it and walk away.

Being an advocate for your child is not easy, especially when they have mental health issues. A majority of parents are natural advocates for their children and will do anything they can to help their child. In normal situations and circumstances, advocating for your children is not that difficult. You know what is needed, who to talk to, how to address it, etc. However, throw in mental illness and it becomes an entirely different mountain to climb; full of avalanches, falling rocks, wind gusts, etc.

One of the DHS hoops my husband and I had to go through was training and education on children in the foster system. Being a nurse I was already familiar with many of the topics they were teaching. They are not bad topics and the courses give potential foster families an idea of what they may deal with. However, one topic that was missing was how to be an advocate for a foster or adoptive child.

We did not know what we were doing with J the first 2-3 years. We fumbled around. I tried to treat him like I did with my older two boys. I loved on him and showered him with things but also disciplined him the same way. In those first few years it was apparent J had issues. I just did not know how to address them or where to get help for him. But I had to start somewhere. Starting somewhere is just the first in a series of steps toward becoming an advocate.

My first step resulted in a big fat dud! I was discouraged. He did not qualify for this particular school's services. I had no idea where to go from there so another year passed and then he went into kindergarten. It was then an opportunity to take the next step occurred, so I took it. When advocating for your children, it is just as important to take the steps that occur as it is to make them. Over the course of the next three years, I took additional steps that lead to dead ends and no answers.

With each step I would take the recommended actions and interventions to no avail. It did not matter how consistent we were with him, some steps yielded no results. It had gotten to the point where we became stuck. So stuck that if something couldn't be done, we would have no choice but to ignore the broken vessel and walk away. No opportunities were available to take and I could not see what step to take next. My son's psychiatrist's solution was to adjust his medications again and again. I had J put through so many test evaluations which yielded very little to no results. J has gone through at least 4 therapists. I had him tested twice to see if any of his diagnoses would change and again no new results. We were in quicksand and sinking fast. I felt I had no choice but to reach out to my son's insurance case worker and plea for help - cry for help is more like it and I mean literally cry.

My sons's case worker offered another step I could take. So, this step would lead to many hoops to jump through and there was no telling after I jumped through every hoop, how fast my son would be accepted and admitted into the child diagnostic unit (CDU) program. One of those hoops was filing a FINS petition with the court. FINS stands for Family in Need of Services and its purpose is to make parents and the child accountable for their actions and recognizes that they need help. Its mostly used in instances where a juvenile is truant, has been suspended or expelled from school, etc. I jumped through all the remining hoops I could. I was prepared to wait it out the next few months but prayed he would be accepted to the CDU sooner rather than later. The situation in my house was getting worse and I prayed it would be a quick acceptance. Thankfully it was! Praise God! By far it has been the best step I could have taken for J.

There are still many steps I will have to go through with J. He will never truly be healed and he will have challenges to overcome the rest of his life. He is back home now and we are all going through a readjustment period - just one of many steps. But all I can do is take one step at a time; it's all any one can ever do.

Being an advocate is hard. It requires persistence, diligence, and passion. Keep digging your heels in. The first diagnosis is not always the correct one. Keep asking questions, turn over stones, don't accept diagnoses at face value - research. You are your child's advocate. How far you are willing to go depends on you. Keep in mind, the race is never won but milestones are gained and it does make a difference no matter how small or big.