During normal times, J is hard enough to deal with. Since, COVID, it has been twice as hard. In J's defense, we live on a street where there are no kids for him to play with. His play companions have been our neighbor's dogs. It has been quite difficult for J to find things to do to occupy his time. What he primarily wants to do, he cannot while I am working. The family offers J suggestions but we are often met with: "That's boring," "I don't want to do that," "That's stupid, " and so on. All that he wants to do is stream YouTube which he cannot do while I am working. When he doesn't get his way, a tantrum ensues.
Before he went into the Child Diagnostic Unit, J's behavior at home following the school closing down due to COVID was horrendous. J constantly interrupted me while I was working. He would bang on my office door, barge on in while I was on a call, fight with his older brothers, make demands, refuse to do what he was told, wake us up at 6 am, aggravate the dog... just to name some behaviors. The medications he was on were little to no help. My hair was getting grayer by the minute. I was afraid it would be months before he would be accepted for the Child Diagnostic Unit program. Fortunately, he got accepted early and we had an opportunity to breathe a sigh of relief. Praise God!
If you happen to have a child with behavioral problems and issues, check with your state's leading research facilities and colleges of medicine. It is possible they may have a program that can assist you and your child. If you are receiving Medicaid assistance, check with your child's case manager. You can also check with your state's department of health. The key is to ask questions and keep asking them until you find the right person who can give you the direction, guidance, or answers that you need.
So, J returns from the program, COVID is still highly active and the outlook for attending school looks bleak. I attempted to take care of my gray hair but after a month of him being back, it is turning gray again. Go figure...Anyway, I had to take a different approach with J (and try to keep my hair intact). I created a schedule for J. With J's help, I took several pictures of J doing various activities from eating breakfast, brushing his teeth, doing crafts, etc. I then placed all these images on a board and wrote down a time for each activity. It hasn't been 100% effective or perfect but it has definitely helped in managing J better.
COVID-19 does not look like it is going away any time soon. The school reopening looks bleak at this time. Even if the school reopened, I would have to seriously reconsider J not attending. He already has such anxiety about the virus that sending him to school may make things worse for him. Since he has ADHD, he does not always remember to wash his hands, wear a mask, and stay 6 feet apart from others. If I sent him to school, he would not be able to socially distance himself, keep his mask on, wash his hands, etc. And, while he cannot remember to do these things, his anxiety over catching the virus will just increase possibly contributing to increased behaviors. So, as these thoughts roam around in my mind, my hair gets grayer.
There are many parents in the same boat my husband and I are in. It definitely gives you a better appreciation of teachers and everything they do for your child. Teachers are angels! However, in these times, we have to remember what it must be like for our child. We cannot get too upset if they interrupt a meeting or a phone call. During a meeting I was in, I thought I had my phone on mute. I kept getting kicked off the internet. I finally ended up yelling at J to get off the internet. The next thing I heard was my supervisor saying, "whoever that was may need to put themselves on mute or something." I was so embarrassed. I know a few strands of hair turned instantly gray that day. I ended up emailing my supervisor apologizing for my "outburst" during the meeting.
COVID-19 has turned everyone's world upside down, especially for children. Children, whether they have ADHD or not, will interrupt your day, especially if you work from home. As embarrassed as I was, I was not required to apologize. People understand and may even find it a nice distraction to see your child interrupt a meeting for a brief moment. So, don't apologize.
I know first hand the frustration and aggravation of a child constantly seeking your attention while you work. Fortunately, the schedule I created for J has decreased those interruptions significantly. The key is to stick to it and make your child stick to it. Some days we are spot on with the schedule and other days not so much. Some days he fights me on it and other days he does it without much prompting. Either way, we stick to it. As we continue to use his schedule in this COVID-19 world, maybe, just maybe, my hair will be a little less gray.
J's Schedule Board:
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