It can be hard to believe that a 5-6 year old child would be capable of revenge; or at least perform an action symbolic of revenge. A 5-6 year old may not realize what they were doing was an act of revenge but on the surface it definitely appears that way. J may not have realized what he was doing but it was a simple act of revenge a young child like J could think of.
When J started kindergarten we were still having trouble trying to toilet train him. Of course at the time we did not know of his diagnosis of developmental coordination disorder and we did not understand why we could not get him toilet trained. He would urinate in the toilet but using the toilet for bowel movements was a different story.
J would often soil his pants. We had good days when he would be clean all day and use the toilet like he should. But we had many bad days when he would not. Whenever we left the house we would have to pack a bag with extra underwear, diaper wipes, and trash bags. There were many times we had to take a trip to the bathroom to clean him up. It was very distressing for all of us. We finally got to the point where we made him clean himself up hoping this would teach him a lesson. However, it never did.
I had taken J to his pediatrician to see if this was a physical condition. An x-ray showed that his bowels were backed up thus causing him to have "leaks." His doctor gave us some recommendations on how to help him. Let me just say giving a 5 year old an enema is no picnic. We also had to give him over-the-counter medication to help him. J was also on a schedule. We tried to make sure he went to the bathroom every 2-4 hours depending upon what we doing at the time. Needless to say, we went through a lot of underwear.
Kindergarten was a tough year for all of us, especially for J. When he was in pre-K there were issues but nothing truly terrible. It gave us a glimpse for what we would be dealing with in kindergarten. It was during this year we began getting therapy and help for J. He started seeing a therapist at the school and we were taking him to see a psychiatrist. J was started on clonidine for some of his behavior. Some days were good but it was often a hit or miss. However, he continued to soil his pants.
It was so embarrassing and frustrating for us. My husband and I would often receive calls about J soiling himself. We had to make sure we packed extra underwear and diaper wipes in his school backpack. He was often sent down to the office because cleaning himself up was a trigger for him. I met with the school and his teacher multiple times over the issue. I gave them suggestions on what to do but I do not think his teacher followed them well.
It was reported to me that his teacher would often call him out in front of other kids in the class, his peers. J would often say she would say things to him in front of others. J had a classmate that reported the same thing. This was a huge concern for me. I spoke to the teacher and the assistant principal about it. The teacher would often deny it but I was more inclined to believe J.
Once day while at work, I received a call from the school. By this time in the school year getting calls from the school was a weekly and almost daily occurrence. The assistant principal informed me that I needed to come in for a meeting and pick up J from school. This was also not unusual by this time. It was not the first time meeting with them and picking up J to take him home. I hung up the phone, gathered my things and headed for the school.
I arrived to the school and was ushered into a private room. The assistant principal then proceeded to tell me what J had done. J had gone in his pants again. He was told to clean himself up, which he did. Okay, I thought...so why was I called? She began to tell me the real reason why I was there.
J was told to clean himself up, which he did. However, he saved a "sample" from his soiled underwear. He then took this "sample" back into the classroom with him. How he managed to sneak a "sample" back into the classroom we still do not know. Then, he took his "sample" and placed it by the teacher's purse which was located under her desk. He managed to do this without anyone noticing, not even the teacher. Later another student,while talking to the teacher, noticed J's "sample" and picked it up. This student then showed the teacher J's "sample." J was immediately in trouble.
As the assistant principal was telling me this, I felt appalled and in awe of J at the same time. And, while all these emotions are going through me, I am working very hard to stifle a laugh. The whole scene was hilarious to me. Here was a 6 year old who methodically planned out how to get back at his teacher for something. I figured J wouldn't just do this for the sake of doing it. He had to have a reason behind it. As the principal is telling me about J's behavior, it took every ounce of me not to break out laughing. All I could think was thank goodness he did not place his "sample" inside of her purse or on her chair for her to sit on it. Just imagine what the outcome would have been if he had done that? With a straight face, I had to tell J what he had done was wrong. I later told my husband what he had done and he immediately burst out laughing.
At home I began to investigate why J did what he did. J informed me the teacher had embarrassed him and he felt bad. He wanted her to feel what he was feeling, what she had made him feel. Apparently J had soiled his pants and the teacher called him out on it in front of the entire class. She was told not to do this to him. J's actions was his attempt to get back at her. He told me he wanted to embarrass her.
His actions that day was something typical 5-6 year old children do not think of. It gave us insight into how J thinks and feels. By the time this event occurred, J was in the spring term of his kindergarten year. He had already endured months of embarrassment in this classroom with this particular teacher. His actions that day was the result of months of embarrassment and frustration J had felt. In his mind he had had enough.
I would like to say this was the last time J would soil his pants in school. Unfortunately it was not. We still struggled with this well into 2nd grade. The number of incidences decreased but it was still an issue. Fortunately, we never had another "revenge" incidence like the one in kindergarten.
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