Since J came into our lives, we have had many ups and downs. To be honest, more downs than ups. My husband and I have had to readjust our parenting techniques many times over; little to no direction, going in circles, pulling our hair out readjustments. We did not know if we were coming or going. With the unpredictable chaos of emotions, it is hard to remember the good days, the good occasions, the moments of laughter and love.
Currently, J is in the hospital getting treatment. A program that I am hoping and praying will help him and by extension us. My house has been quiet these past couple of weeks. The lack of sound is almost deafening. There is no screaming, fighting, being woken up at 6 am to a child demanding milk, no slamming of doors, banging on the walls - well, I think you get the picture. While he is in the hospital, the atmosphere in the house is calm and uneventful. However, my thoughts are on J.
The amazing thing about silence and stillness is what one learns; or better yet, remembers. I was reminded of the quiet times we had with J: the mornings of sleeping in, the uneventful nights when he put himself to bed, and so on. I was reminded of the times he tried to help around the house. I even remembered times of laughter and fun. The main thing I learned was how a build up of negative moments can hide positive moments and experiences. It is easy for a person to lose sight of those little moments, especially when there is so few of them. In the past couple of weeks I was reminded of one particular moment.
The three of us were eating lunch at a restaurant when a discussion ensued about the color of their paper napkins. I was stating they were tan. J insisted they were light brown. Yes, it is a tan color. J continue to insist they were light brown. After several exchanges back and forth, I asked J why he was arguing with me. He promptly stated "I'm not arguing with you. I'm just telling you my perspective. They are light brown" With that, my husband got up from the table and walked away stifling a laugh. I responded with "My perspective says it is tan." J just started laughing. In the grand scheme of things, J's perspective wasn't wrong.
In the stillness of these past couple of weeks, the Lord has been reminding me about perspectives. How J sees and views the world is different and unique. I should not force a perspective but rather take the time to listen to his. His perspective is bound to change as he grows older. I can only hope that mine will grow and change as well.
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